I had the opportunity to read “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” this week and found the book filled with nuggets of wisdom and practical advice which can help product managers deal with people around them and get their best work done. Below are some of the notes which I captured –
- The first reaction to an event is going to be emotional. You cannot control that however, You have the ability to react to an emotion and control the thoughts that follow
- Four aspects of Emotional Intelligence
- Self awareness – Recognizing your emotions
- Self management – Acting on your emotions
- Social awareness – Recognizing emotions in others without judgement
- Relationship management – Combination of the first three skills. Ability to recognize your own emotion and that of others and being able to have a interaction successfully.
- Self Awareness Strategies
- Quit treating feelings as good or bad
- Observe ripple effect from your emotions
- Notice how they impact people immediately
- Reflect on behaviour
- Ask people how your emotions affect their behaviour
- Lean into discomfort
- Do not avoid discomfort that comes with recognzing an emotion and seeing yourself for who you are
- Move towards the emotion rather than avoiding it and go through the emotion
- Discover your own arrogance – Things which we dont bother to learn and dismiss them as unimportant
- Feel your emotions physically #EQ
- Strong emotions manifest physically
- Physical Manifestations of emotions
- Stress – Tingling sensation in arms
- Anger – Less breathing. Breathing pace reduces than usual
- Watch yourself like a hawk
- Look at yourself objectively in situations #EQ
- Dont be fooled by a bad mood
- Recognize a bad mood
- Recognize that bad mood makes everything look bad including things which are good
- Dont make any decisions at this point
- Dont be fooled by a good mood
- Recognize good mood
- Dont paint a rosy picture and ignore warning signs
- Dont make impulsive decisions
- Stop and ask yourself why you do the things you do
- Trace your emotions and identify root causes of why you did what you did
- Visit your values
- Write down your personal values and compare with actions you have done on a daily basis and identify patterns
- When reacting to a situation , identify if the reaction is in alignment with your values
- Check yourself
- Check how your outside appearance – Hairstyle, Body Language, Dress reflect your emotional state
- Spot your emotions in books, music and movies you see
- Seek feedback
- Know yourself under stress
- Self Management Strategies
- Breathe Right
- Identify areas where emotion is clouding judgement
- Identify areas where reason is ignoring emotion cues
- Make your goals public/Share with people who will help you be accountable
- Count to 10
- Sleep on it
- Time and Patience are the most important skills
- Talk to someone who is skilled
- Smile and laugh more
- Set aside some time in day for problem solving
- Take control of self talk
- “I always” or “I never” sentences to be changed to “Just this time” or “Sometimes”
- Treat each situation like a separate situation and stop beating yourself up
- Replace judgemental statements like “Iam an idiot” with factual ones like “I made a mistake”
- Thoughts that attach a permanent label do not help in self improvement
- Factual statements are objective, situational and help you focus on what you can change
- Accept responsibility for your actions and no one else’s
- Blame Game and Negative Self Talk go hand in hand
- “I always” or “I never” sentences to be changed to “Just this time” or “Sometimes”
- Visualize yourself succeeding
- Imagine yourself thinking about negative situations and practice how you would react to these situations daily.
- Visualization helps in tricking the brain in mimicing the scenarios so that you can react appropriately in the future when a similar situation arises
- Get better sleep
- Focus your attention on freedom and not on limitations
- Mental trick to make yourself accountable and focus on the things you can control and let go of the things you cannot control
- Stay synchronized
- Recognize when your body language is not in check, the emotions are getting better out of you
- To keep yourself synchronized focus on task at hand and not the emotion
- Talk with someone who is not invested in your problem
- Learn a valuable lesson from everyone you encounter
- Approaching with a learning mindset can help make life much less stressful, help you be flexible
- Put a mental recharge schedule
- Accept that change is just around the corner
- Allow yourself to prepare for change
- Prevent yourself from being in shock, surprise later when changes actually happen
- Even if the changes do not happen, planning for it will help you become more flexible and responsive overall
- Breathe Right
- Social Awareness Strategies
- Greet People by Name
- Watch Body Language
- Timing is everything
- Right Question + Right time + Right frame of mind is important
- Develop a back pocket question
- Notice when conversation is not going as expected and develop strategies to ask questions which can move the conversation in the direction you want it to go
- Be Present
- Plan ahead of time
- Practice art of listening
- Step into other person shoes
- Try looking at situations and try to answer – “If I were X, how would I respond or react?”
- Seek the whole picture
- Ask others how they perceive you, your reaction to the situation
- What you consider as a thoughtful response might be perceived as being passive
- Catch the mood of the room
- Look at how people sit, body language, what they talk about, rely on gut instinct
- Seek help of guide who can help you understand the mood of the room
- Relationship Management Strategies
- Be open and be curious
- Open – Sharing information about yourself with others
- Curious – Approach each person/situation with curiousity and listen to their story
- Enhance your natural communication style
- Identify your natural communication style
- List down Pros and Cons of your style
- Identify areas of improvement in your current communication style
- Avoid giving mix signals
- What you say and how your body reacts need to be in sync with each other, otherwise people will get confused
- Past event can impact current conversation which you have and thereby impact signal incorrectly
- Little things pack a punch – Thank you, Sorry etc.
- Take and Give Feedback well
- Have an open-door policy
- Only get mad in purpose
- Determine when you should show the anger based on the criteria that sharing it somehow makes your relationship stronger
- Dont avoid the inevitable
- Dont escape from tough situations/conversations/people
- Learn how to handle them
- Use feelings to your benefit
- Acknowledge the feeling which others have
- Complement their feelings
- When you care, show it
- Explain your decisions, dont just make them
- Having Difficult Conversations
- Align your intention with impact
- Offer a “Fix-It” during a tough conversation
- Tackling difficult conversations
- Start with agreement
- Ask the person to help understand their side
- Resist urge for a comeback
- Help other person to understand your side
- Move the conversation forward
- Keep in touch
- Be open and be curious
abhitsian.blog 